You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
