At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just gift wrapped bread.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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