The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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