If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
