clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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