my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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