NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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