did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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