Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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