I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
