think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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