Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
