there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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