physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
