I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
