to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
