Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we're chasing vodka with high fives
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
