the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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