I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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