they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
