TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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