exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
