Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
