I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
