shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
