There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
sarcasm needs its own font
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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