we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
