If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
