You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.