I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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