Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
