you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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