Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
