I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
