Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
