I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
