I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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