the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
