I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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