can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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