i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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