if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
