he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
