just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
