The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
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went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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