Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
