I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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