i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
