tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
