it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Found your dick twin last night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
