when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
