Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
