i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
