I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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