worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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