The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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