So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i now understand why vodka
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
