remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
