Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
