I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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