look no pants
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
