and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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