Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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