no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
