Only a mothe r could love this liver
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
