Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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