this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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