Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
