I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
