I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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