I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
