Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
never play flip cup with pint glasses
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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