the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
