Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
